idk just some feelings and how im feeling

Okay so most likely this will make sence to no one but w.e i need to write somethings out. (dont take anything to seriously or anything im just upset and confused right now)

   so yeah where to start off... okay well i think i get upset to easy and i freak over little things that shouldnt make me freak, and then theres when i get upset i dont want to be here anymore and i think its pointless and theres no real reason to be here, then theres just  these random periods where i get chills non stop and sit and think about absolutly nothing and i just hurt that whole time and i can never figure it out, and then theres this girl that i love with all my heart but at the same time i get upset with her, lie to her, betray her and all these other bad things, but only when im not with her... when im with her everything is okay, im happy, im nice, and i never want it to stop... but then yet again when im away from her i freak when i think somethings going on with other people, which i think too much.. i also thinks she hides soo much from me.. which in reality she hides nothing.. idk sometimes.. actually i dont know most of the time.. it bothers me alot.. everything bothers me alot and idk why.. it drives me insane.. theres so much i want to do and say and i never do anything or say anything right.. and if i say anything right it just goes away in a few hours because im insecure and think somethings up again... im in a delema that i put myself into and i cant get myself out of.. its hard to think that way but its true.. like this very second im freezing with chills and thinking soo much about her and im so afraid somethings up when i should know theres nothing... plus i just dont know... i had a great day today.. saw the girl i talk about.. was happy.. thought everything was good between us and here i am a few hours later and i think things are wrong and we're hardly even talking... and idk.. ugh i just want to sleep and sleep and never get up because with me sleeping i cant do any wrong... idk... but this is all im gonna write for now..